In case of an earthquake, shout FIRE
by Findegil
Summary: Okita X Kagura one-shot set in the 3Z universe. Rated M because Okita apparently can't keep his hands under control, though it's not for very long.


Kagura had the best plan ever.

She'd sneak back after class ended and hide in the storage locker. She knew that Okita had kendo club practice after school, and left his bag in the classroom. When he came back to get it, she'd jump out and freak him to death. Ok, so it wasn't a very adult thing to do, but who said she had to act like an adult when he replaced her sukonbu with pieces of grass, or wrote "I love Okita" on her forehead when she was sleeping in class? The last one made her furious, as Ginpachi sensei had made a snide remark about adolescents these days, and how they were growing up as juvenile delinquents, and so on.

The fact was that Kagura thought Okita was a bastard, and it had come to the point that it didn't matter anymore what Ginpachi sensei said afterwards.

So she hid. The storage locker was small, but not uncomfortable. It was easily three times the size of a normal school locker, though both were made of the same material: metal painted a dull gray-brown. She could sit down easily with her legs slightly bent, even with the brooms and mops keeping her company. Light filtered in through the slits near the top of the locker. Deciding against standing up precisely because she could see out of it, since Sa-chan had taught her one of the three rules for being like a ninja was "A Ninja should conceal their presence completely." Or maybe that was in a Jump manga Kagura had read. Either way, Kagura now tried out different seating positions while she waited: crossed legs, feet up against the side of the locker, legs straight resting against the side (making her body into a "V" shape), feet underneath her in a crouching position, on her knees. She finally decided on just keeping her feet slightly bent, the tips of her toes touching the side of the locker. When she was situated thusly, she promptly fell asleep.

* * *

This would have been the end of her "surprise" attack, where it not for the fact that she had the foresight to close both of the sliding doors to the classroom. Both doors had been kicked down during one of Kagura and Okita's fights, and Ginpachi had sworn up a storm at them as they were made to put them back up. Ever since, the doors would not open or close without a dreadful groan, and since Ginpachi never took the trouble to fill out the proper school paperwork to replace them, it looked like they would keep groaning for the rest of the year.

The doors groaned open, and moaned shut. Kagura awoke with a start, and started to slide up the side of the locker to have a look out the slits and see who it was. Then the door to the locker opened, and Okita backed into the locker, shutting the door closed after him. He turned to sit down, and in the semi-darkness was met with an enraged Kagura.

"What're you doing here, you bastard?!"

"That's my line, China girl."

Okita stared at her, then sighed as he finished sitting down opposite her, his back to the locker as hers was.

"During practice, I had this brilliant idea to scare Hijikata, so while Kondo and him were changing I ran up here where our bags were left. Little did I know that this poor locker was housing a monster. Now what are you doing here?"

"None of your business. I'm leaving." Kagura started to stand up, but Okita's leg shot up against the side of the locker, his foot inches away from her face, blocking her escape route.

"I was kind enough to answer your question. You do the same."

"Fine." Kagura broke eye contact and her eyes settled on the side of the locker. "I was going to scare you."

If Kagura had been looking at Okita after her last sentence, she would have seen a small, impish grin cover his face. Just as quick as it came, it vanished, and Okita searched around in his pockets for an onigiri he'd saved. He started to unwrap it.

"What are you doing? In case you've forgotten, this is not the cafeteria." Kagura sneered, casting a longing glance at the onigiri.

Okita followed her gaze, and decided it was a perfect way to tease her.

"You want it?" He dangled it by the plastic wrap in the small space between them.

"No way. What if you got it mixed up with one of your poisoned ones?"

"Eh? Those are only for Hijikata's consumption." Okita looked slightly insulted at what she insinuated.

"Well, maybe..."

"Too late."

Okita gobbled down the onigiri in record time, leaving only a bit of rice on his cheek. Kagura tried to ignore the rumbling noise in her stomach, but she had little willpower when it came to food. Also, she hadn't eaten for 30 minutes. Before her mind could protest, her body reacted instinctively. She crossed the space between them and licked off the rice stuck to his cheek.

She started to pull back with a smirk when Okita caught her with an arm around her neck and the other around her wrist, and before she could let out a howl of protest, he put his lips on hers. Kagura found his lips still smelled and tasted like rice, and she soon was intoxicated by them. Then Okita drew back slightly, just enough for him to murmur,

"You're drooling, China girl. Let me in."

The next moment his mouth was on hers again, opening hers up to his, and he released her wrist to wipe the saliva running down the corner of her mouth. With one hand still resting lightly on the back of her neck, he traced her cheek with his other, and his fingertips brushed down further, down her arm, past her hip, to her leg. He lifted it over his, and pulled her onto his legs. She slid down a bit, until her knees rested on either side of his hips.

Okita wondered briefly as he felt her underwear through his pant legs whether the Yato clan had any sexually transmitted diseases which were fatal to humans. Then he wondered whether they could have sex with humans at all. He knew Kagura had a Dad, but the details were vague about her Mother. Maybe they reproduced asexually or something. That would mean they had both...parts...somehow. He decided to investigate. She seemed to have breasts, albeit small ones, so he went for the next possible location. After all, she couldn't do much that would murder him in the storage locker.

A tentative, hesitant hand was placed on the inside of her leg near her knee. The fingers lingered there, as if relishing the touch of her skin. Then they slid up her thigh, under her plaid skirt. A finger touched her, light as a feather, through her underwear, and she shuddered.

Okita, now satisfied she had all her girlish parts intact, stiffened and pulled away from her mouth at her shudder, bracing himself for the inevitable blow. It didn't come, and he found himself with his hand still on her thigh under her skirt, and Kagura's sea blue eyes staring at him. When he couldn't bear the lure of those eyes held for him any longer, he decided to start again while he thought she seemed dazed. His lips were on hers and his hand, emboldened by her response, sliped into her underwear.

Kagura shuddered again as he caressed her, his fingers drawing out responses in her that she did not know were possible. His touch felt natural, a part of her, without awkward embarrassment or shame. It just felt right, somehow. Okita's last rational thought, right before Kagura started to undo his pants was, "To hell with Yato STDs..."

* * *

"Zura, how many times have I told you not to bring that pet of yours to school?"

"It's not 'that pet.' It's Elizabeth!"

Zura thought for a moment, and then added,

"And it's not Zura! It's Katsura!"

"Whatever, Katsura-kun."

Ginpachi sensei opened the groaning door. Zura followed him into the classroom, not bothering to close it.

"And another thing, sensei, you wrote some kanji in your lesson wrong again today."

"Oi, Zura, don't try to change the subject! You're taking that Elizabeth thing home right now and never bringing it again or else..."

What other threats or profanities Ginpachi sensei would have uttered were now lost forever, for at this point the storage locker fell over. Zura shrieked a very girlish scream, and dived under the closest desk, yelling "EARTHQUAKE!!" at the top of his lungs. Ginpachi stood, staring at the locker which had taken a nosedive onto the floor.

He kicked it over with one leg, none too kindly. Then he pried open the door, Zura peering out from under the desk as he did so.

There lay two students, knocked unconscious from the falling locker, which they had tipped over in a mad scramble to untangle themselves when Gintoki and Zura had come in, their heads lolled together, just touching each other.

Ginpachi grabbed a fistfull of brown hair and another of red, and knocked their heads together again. He then started to invent a lengthy and morbid tale of what happened to teenagers who fooled around without protection, a story involving members swelling up to inconceivable proportions unable to shrink again and orofices turning odd, irreversable shades of neon. Oi, were they going to get it when they woke up...


End file.
